I Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
by Shadows On A Love-Struck Soul
Summary: Someone in the castle knows about Merlin and he's on the run, with his lover Arthur. Merlin knows it is no use, he is going to be caught. Warning, made two of my friends cry so have the Kleenex ready!
1. I Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way

Arthur burst into the court physician's chambers 'Gaius! Gaius, Merlin!' panic rose in his throat, conflicting his breathing and causing the room to spin. Gaius was nowhere to be found but Merlin, Arthur's stomach twisted at the name, Merlin poked his head out of the door to his room, a frown creasing his brow.

'Yes?' Merlin enquired.

Why was he so calm? Didn't he know how much danger he was in? Didn't that brunette with the sparkling eyes and adorable face know how much he meant to his master?

It took Arthur several attempts to get the words out but when the came, they flowed fast and scared. 'Merlin, someone found out what you told me yesterday, someone was listening at the door, the shadow that passed under the doorframe, it was somebody listening to every word, whoever it was told my Father,'

-

Merlin wasn't listening properly by this time, at the word 'yesterday' Merlin had begun to relive what had happened yesterday:

_T__hat night, when they were sat on the floor, leaning against a wall, with arms round each other like seatbelts, Merlin told Arthur all about his magic, his gift and how many times he had already saved his life. A shadow flickered under the door frame._

'Merlin, can't you hear me? Uther knows you're a warlock, he's sending out men to find you and Gaius!'

Merlin's mind snapped back to the present 'What does Uther want Gaius for?' he asked sharply.

Arthur gulped, 'Harboring a warlock in the castle, he wants you for being a warlock in his castle, you are both going to die'

'Well, surely if I can stay hidden, you can free Gaius from the prison before he is killed?' Merlin's voice was almost pleading, begging for this to be true.

Arthur shook his head. 'My father is so furious he is ordering to have you both executed straight away. The chopping block is already out Merlin'

Merlin couldn't breathe.

'Where's Gaius?' was all he could manage to whisper.

'I can't find him; I've searched and searched for you both as soon as I knew but…'

Merlin nodded. Gaius was in the castle, Merlin knew that much, but he was in a place where Uther and his men could reach him far before he and Arthur could.

Suddenly, there was shouting from outside, Merlin climbed up to peer out of the window. Gaius was down there, being dragged along to the scaffold. Merlin wanted to call out to say a thousand things to the old man. He wanted to say sorry for causing all the trouble and to thank him for looking after him so well, and to say that he loved him like the father he had never had, none of these sentiments came out because Merlin's insides had turned to ice.

He felt Arthur's gentle hand on his arm and turned to look at the blonde boy. 'I'm sorry, it's too late for Gaius, now we have to get you out of here.' Merlin followed Arthur from the room, down the back stairways the servants used and along to the stables where there was a safe exit out of the city.

They both walked on and on in silence; Arthur knowing that now was not the time to speak and Merlin lost in his thoughts of the old man, the old friend who had died for him.

Every step Merlin took was for Gaius, every thought in his head was of Gaius and of asking for forgiveness. He was saving himself, not for himself, but for Gaius. He knew that if he let himself be caught now, Gaius would have died for nothing.

-

Luckily, it was summer so the sun didn't set until late, giving them enough time to get clear of the city, they walked on and on, never speaking, never looking at anything else other than the ground beneath their pounding feet.

Arthur was thinking, he had known Gaius from the age of three; twenty years later he was still being treated by him-he had still been treated by him. He didn't know Gaius as well as Merlin did, but he knew enough to know that he was a good man, not evil or disloyal.

As the sun collided with the hill in the distance it bled all different colours; there was grayish purple, vibrant pink, blinding orange and blood red. The colours seeped through the clouds like ink in water and the two men could do nothing but stop and watch it happen. They headed into the nearby wood to seek shelter for the night.

They walked even further, skirting round trees and bushes until they found a small clearing. There were the remains of a fire from some other travelers, the embers still glowing. The two men set down the small bags they had managed to grab on the way out of the castle and began collecting dry leaves and twigs for the fire.

-

Once the fire was properly lit, crackling and dancing in the darkness, the two men sat down and stared into its depths. 'I'm sorry,' Arthur was the first to beak the silence of several hours. 'I'm sorry, Merlin, this is all my fault,'

'No, its not,' Merlin disagreed. 'If I hadn't been such an idiot as to tell you all of that in the _castle_ of all places, we wouldn't be here, we would be safe and warm in the castle, Gaius would still be alive…'

'Yes, but if I could control myself, you wouldn't have come to my chambers at all last night, you wouldn't have felt the need to tell me,'

'I wouldn't have missed you telling me that you loved me for anything. I wouldn't have it any other way,' Merlin pulled his eyes from the fire and fixed them on Arthur for the first time that night.

'You've said that a lot lately,' Arthur commented. He was right.

'Has it really only been a week?' Merlin whispered, 'Since we first…' He didn't need to finish the sentence, Arthur knew exactly what he was talking about.

'Only a week,' he nodded. They both turned back and stared into the flames.

_It had started a week ago. That morning, as they had passed in the corridor, Arthur's finger had reached out and caressed Merlin's hand. Merlin had been startled and surprised but he had also been excited and entranced._

_Later, at dinner, when Merlin had been called over to re-fill Arthur's goblet, he had felt a slight, warm pressure on the side of his leg, looking down surreptitiously, Merlin saw Arthur's hand on his leg, Merlin hadn't stepped away for several minutes._

_In the evening, Merlin had been summoned to Arthur's room; he slipped in the door after a quiet knock and found Arthur staring out of the window. Arthur was changed, he was no longer arrogant and self-centered; as soon as he got away from crowds of people he was quiet, thoughtful, caring. Merlin stepped across the room towards him and Arthur didn't move. Merlin stood behind his chair, staring out of the same window until Arthur spoke and broke the spell of silence._

'_I can't hide it any more…I suppose that's what I have been trying to say all day. I can't keep all my emotions pent up like cattle or sheep, especially my feelings for you,'_

_Merlin's heart gave a little skip; could Arthur really mean what Merlin thought he meant? Could one of Merlin's dreams really be coming true?_

'_Merlin,' Arthur rose from his chair and turned to face Merlin. 'Merlin, I love you, with all my heart. I can't put it any other way and I know tha-'_

_Merlin was shaking his head and cut across his prince. 'I wouldn't have it any other way,' There was silence. Merlin sighed. 'I love you Arthur, I have loved you for weeks, perhaps longer, but I only realized it recently. I love you ardently, more than that; I care about you, I care about how you feel, what you do and why you make the choices you do, I care about you more than anyone else'_

_The two men stood there, awkwardly. What to do now?_

_They both reached forward and hugged each other, Arthur being taller, he felt the soft curls of Merlin's hair against his cheek, and he pressed his lips to it in the small gesture of truest, deepest love. Merlin tilted his head upward with his eyes closed, searching for Arthur's lips. With a little help from Arthur, Merlin found his target and pressed his lips to it. _

_In that moment when they stood entwined in the arms of the other, they both knew that this was right, this was good, but it was also bad, wrong and punishable by law. In that moment they both realized that they didn't care._

_The next day they had met in the court yard and Arthur had directed Merlin into a small room leading up to a tower, Merlin had begun to climb the steps, his insides writhing like snakes at though of what was to come, but Arthur was impatient and could not wait for the top of the stairs to claim his prize. He pulled Merlin down from the steps and wrapped his arms around him, locking his mouth onto his lover's and feeling magic of a different kind shoot through his body. _

_The kiss was gentle, just their lips touching really, but when Arthur had realized that Merlin hadn't pulled back or run away, the kiss changed. Arthur kissed Merlin more and more, it was deep, raw and new. The kiss was hot and strong. Merlin changed too, he wanted not just the kiss but the moment to last forever, to go on and on. He wanted to stay in Arthur's arms forever, he wanted to feel another's chest so close to his own. _

_Suddenly, there were footsteps outside and the two men drew apart instantly. They didn't see each other for the rest of the day although they were both in each other's thoughts._

_The next day they were kept apart all day. Arthur was to accompany Morgana on a hunting trip and Merlin was not permitted to come with them. Merlin spent his day in his room, lying back on his bed, thinking of the young prince and how much he meant. Thinking of what the actions of the past few days would sound like if Uther ever found out._

_A knock at the door made him sit up; Gaius walked in and asked Merlin to deliver the medicines for the afternoon; 'you can't stay in here all day, you're beginning to look ill. Go and get some colour back in your cheeks' Merlin didn't deliver the medicines, he wandered around the castle for the rest of the afternoon in a little world of his own._

_Once he could wander no more he went back to his room and stared out of the window, waiting and willing for his prince to come home. Eventually, his wish came true and Merlin darted down to the yard under the pretext of taking Arthur's horse. As they passed Arthur whispered 'Miss me?'_

'_oh yeah!' Merlin replied fervently. He took Arthur's horse into the stable and began to un-tack it. Arthur came in with Morgana's horse which was already un-tacked and turned it into the next box. 'So, did you see anything worth catching?' asked Merlin, innocently._

_Arthur checked that nobody was around and nobody was coming before he darted into the box with Merlin and came right up to him. He came so close. He put his hand on the wall behind Merlin's back and leant forward, their noses less than an inch apart. 'Oh yes. I saw something worth catching; I saw it watching me out of a window this morning as I rode off, I saw it dart down the stairs and take my horse and I can see it right now. The most beautiful thing on God's earth. ' He kissed Merlin with so much power and passion that it left them both breathless. The kiss was swift because they were out in the open and between gasps of air he breathed the words 'come up to my room after dark, I can't take a day without you anymore'. And he left._

_When the sky had darkened and the castle was sleeping, Merlin crept into Arthur's chambers and met his lover. They shared a special ten minutes just being with each other, not really doing anything. They both needed to feel the warmth of the other. _

_The next two days went in the same sort of arrangement. On the fifth day since the confessions Arthur told all of his secrets to Merlin. They sat together, leaning against the wall of Arthur's chamber in the darkness. Arthur's arms were locked round Merlin's torso and Merlin's were around Arthur's in__ a protective stance. With one hand he stroked Arthur's golden hair and listened while they both stared straight ahead into the darkness. 'I can't explain it, it's like, every time I see you I need to be next to you, to touch your skin, to see your eyes, to hear your heart,' he rested his head against Merlin's heart which doubled in tempo at Arthur's touch. _

'_I know exactly what you mean,' Merlin murmured, running his fingers through Arthur's hair again. 'I…um...'Merlin began tentatively. 'I have a confession to make too, but it's a little more serious,'_

'_It's your turn tomorrow, I haven't got to the worst part yet,' Arthur whispered._

'_Go on then, I'll have to go soon,' said Merlin quietly, kissing the top of Arthur's head. _

'_When I sleep, I dream of you with other people; Gwen, Morgana, Carra,'_

'_I was never meant for anyone but you,' Merlin interrupted._

'_I know that now, when I'm safe in your arms and I can feel you next to me. But in my dreams I get so…so angry, I lash out, I attack whoever it is you're with and when I am awake I know that I could never do that, I don't care if you're with me or with someone else,' Merlin frowned at this. Arthur sat up properly so he could look straight at Merlin. 'As long as you're happy, as happy as you can be, I won't stand in your way. Anyway, back to the dream. When I stand over the blood drenched body I look down, and…and it's you. I can't bare it. It's so dreadful.'_

'_Sshh,' Merlin whispered. At that moment, the clock in the tower roared out to the world and Merlin got up to leave. He kissed Arthur on the cheek, turned tail and left._

'So, last night, when I told you about everything and how Gaius was hiding me and lying to everyone, someone was listening to us?' Merlin asked.

Arthur nodded.

'I'm so careless,' Merlin started to cry.

It is at this moment, when all of the readers should notice that these two men aren't men at all. They are boys, scared, lost and alone. They only have each other now, they only want each other but one person can never make up all the love and care that every person needs, you need a family. Gaius had been Merlin's family, but Gaius was dead. Arthur's mother had been his family but after she died Uther had not taken her place, so Arthur had shut himself off from all emotions except from in the dead of night when he could let it all out to himself, recently, Merlin and Gaius had started to fill that hole but now Gaius was dead.

Merlin stood up. 'I'm going back. I'm going to avenge him.'

Arthur stood up too. 'Merlin, you can't, you'll be killed on sight.'

'I don't care, I'm going back, I'm going to find out who was listening at your door and I'm going to kill them.' With that Merlin ran. He ran back through the forest, jumping over tree roots and dodging trees. He could hear Arthur, hot on his tail but he didn't care. He had to keep moving, he had to do this.

'Merlin!' Arthur had caught up with his; he caught hold of Merlin's arm and pulled him round into his chest. Merlin gave up and didn't even try to get away. They stayed there, Merlin soaking Arthur's shirt with his sobs.

It took Merlin ages to stop sobbing and even longer to be able to look at Arthur. 'What can I do Arthur? What can I do?'

'You can't do anything.' Arthur whispered to the darkness, come on. They walked to the edge of the forest to see Camelot in the distance, guards were lined up outside the castle, they were moving for the walls of the city.

'They'll be here by dawn,' Merlin said in a monotone.

'I know,' Arthur replied.

Merlin turned to him, took a deep breath and spoke the words he had wanted to say for days; 'Make me feel alive. I want this, I want you,'

Arthur frowned, a little confused.

'Please,' Merlin begged. 'I'm going to die tomorrow, grant me this final wish,'

Arthur gathered his thoughts and nodded. He loved Merlin. He wanted this too, he knew that, no matter how early they left in the morning, they would be caught and they were both so tired they couldn't keep walking now. Merlin seemed to know his time was up. Arthur nodded again and set off, back to the clearing. Once in the clearing, Arthur looked to check their small bags were still there, Merlin crept up behind him and kissed his neck, his arms round his lover. Arthur pressed his back into Merlin's chest before turning to face him. Merlin, who was about half a head shorter than Arthur, kissed the hollow of his throat before moving his lips up to Arthur's jaw, then his lips.

They both pulled off the shirt of the other and embraced; Merlin's skin burnt white hot at Arthur's touch. They held onto each other with all of their strength, never wanting to let go. They hit the leafy ground together and stayed there, twisting and clinging to each other. Merlin's hands ran all over Arthur's glorious body, wondering at every touch. Arthur traced every inch of Merlin's face with his fingers and his lips. They were saying goodbye and they didn't even know it.

Finally, they fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, Merlin resting his head on Arthur's chest. They both awoke sharply when they heard heavy footfalls. Merlin sat up and dressed quickly, while Arthur remained in slumber. Merlin turned to say goodbye to Arthur but thought that this would be less painful for the both of them if he just left.

'Where are you going?' Arthur asked from the ground.

'I'm going to meet them,' Merlin could only manage a whisper and even then his throat contested every word. 'It's time.' Arthur stood and dressed at top speed while Merlin stayed to get the last glimpses of the man he loved with all his heart.

'Don't go,' Arthur pleaded, though he knew it was no use.

Merlin only had the strength left for a few words; he knew that, so he made the best of them. 'I love you,'

Merlin walked through the trees, out of Arthur's sight, down to meet the guards who would surely take him to his death. As soon as Merlin had disappeared Arthur ran, he ran and ran like ha had never run before. It took hours but, thankfully, he got to Camelot before Merlin and the guards. He pounded through the castle, shouting, yelling, screaming for his father.

Finally, he found him and Arthur was so grateful. 'Father, I beg of you, call of this hunt, let the boy be!'

'Out of the question,' Uther's words rang with authority. 'Merlin will be killed as soon as he enters the city, and good riddance to him.

Arthur couldn't stomach the thought but he had to ask, 'How…how is he going to be killed'

'Burning,' said his father dismissively.

'Please Father, if you won't stop this hunt then change the sentence,' Uther looked furious with his son.

'He is a warlock and yet you defend him, why should I be merciful?'

'Father, I beseech you, please, _please_ don't burn him; anything but burning!'

Uther nodded and agreed. 'Fine, you have your way, he'll hang.'

Arthur stood and left the castle. He spent the rest of the day until Merlin arrived staring blankly at a wall. He kept checking out of the window as, slowly, the tower for burning was disassembled and a scaffold and noose where put in its place.

When Merlin arrived Arthur ran like the wind down to the court yard. He stood at the back of the crowd as Merlin was dragged up the steps.

-

Merlin was staring desperately everywhere for Arthur. He had to see him, one last time. Yes…There he was, at the back of the crowd. Tears filled both their eyes as Merlin was dragged to the trap door. Just before the hood was shoved roughly over Merlin's head he shouted with all the passion and love he had ever had.

'Arthur! Arthur I love you!'

He saw Arthur dart forward in the split second before the hood covered his eyes; he kept shouting. 'Arthur I love you! I always have and I always will,'

Merlin could have sworn Arthur shouted back; something like: 'I'm sorry'

Merlin blinked tears from his eyes and shook his head as he felt the rope around it.

-

Arthur could still hear Merlin with the hood on. His words ripped through it, right to Arthur's heart.

'I wouldn't have it any other way,'

The trap door drops.

The noose tightens.

Merlin sways.

That night, when everyone in Camelot was sleeping; Arthur crept up to the tallest tower and leaned over the edge. He closed his eyes. 'I love you Merlin. I love you Merlin. I'm coming for you my darling.'

He hurled himself off the edge of the tower.

Arthur flew.

Arthur hit the ground.

His soul left his body and drifted away, in the clearing in the woods; it met Merlin and hand in hand, they departed this life, together, forever.


	2. I Would Have It No Other Way

Arthur burst into the court physician's chambers 'Gaius! Gaius, Merlin!' panic rose in his throat, conflicting his breathing and causing the room to spin. Gaius was nowhere to be found but Merlin, Arthur's stomach twisted at the mere thought of the name, Merlin poked his head out of the door to his room, a frown creasing his brow; accentuating his flawless cheekbones.

'Yes?' Merlin enquired.

Why was he so calm? Didn't he know how much danger he was in? Didn't that brunette with the sparkling eyes and adorable face know how much he meant to his master?

Merlin could see that Arthur was distraught. He hurried down the steps and pulled Arthur into the safety of his arms, he rubbed Arthur's back with his hadn, soothing him with his voice; 'Ssshhh, it's alright, slow down, take your time,' he whispered into Arthur's ear.

Arthur pulled away, 'No, no I can't take my time, neither can you.' Merlin tensed at the terrible, fearful look on Arthur's face.

'What is it?'

It took Arthur several attempts to get the words out but when the came, they flowed fast and scared. 'Merlin, someone found out what you told me yesterday, someone was listening at the door, the shadow that passed under the doorframe, it was somebody listening to every word, every sentiment, every movement and touch; whoever it was told my Father,'

-

Merlin wasn't listening properly by this time, at the word 'yesterday' Merlin had begun to relive what had happened yesterday:

_T__hat night, when they were sat on the floor, leaning against a wall, with arms round each other, clinging onto each other like each was the other's seatbelt. Merlin told Arthur all about his magic, his gift and how many times he had already saved his life. How difficult it had been to lie to Arthur and how much he cared for the beautiful, blond man in his arms. A shadow flickered under the door frame._

'Merlin, can't you hear me? Uther knows you're a warlock, he's sending out men to find you and Gaius!'

Merlin's mind snapped back to the present 'What does Uther want Gaius for?' he asked sharply.

Arthur gulped, 'Harboring a warlock in the castle, he wants you for being a warlock in his castle, you are both going to die'

'Well, surely if I can stay hidden, you can free Gaius from the prison before he is killed?' Merlin's voice was almost pleading, begging for this to be true.

Arthur shook his head. 'My father is so furious he is ordering to have you both executed straight away. The chopping block is already out Merlin'

Merlin couldn't breathe.

'Where's Gaius?' was all he could manage to whisper.

'I can't find him; I've searched and searched for you both as soon as I knew but…'

Merlin nodded. Gaius was in the castle, Merlin knew that much, but he was in a place where Uther and his men could reach him far before he and Arthur could.

Suddenly, there was shouting from outside, Merlin climbed up to peer out of the window. Gaius was down there, being dragged along to the scaffold. What was Gaius doing? Where was the fight? Where was the fear? Where was the emotion? Merlin wanted to call out to say a thousand things to the old man. He wanted to say sorry for causing all the trouble and to thank him for looking after him so well, and to say that he loved him like the father he had never had, none of these sentiments came out because Merlin's insides had turned to ice.

He felt Arthur's gentle hand on his arm and turned to look at the blonde boy. 'I'm sorry, it's too late for Gaius, now we have to get you out of here.' Merlin followed Arthur from the room, down the back stairways the servants used and along to the stables where there was a safe exit out of the city. Nobody saw them the whole time. Thankfully, Merlin could still feel Arthur's guiding hand on his shoulder, because without it, he was sure he wouldn't have got out of the castle at all.

They both walked on and on in silence; Arthur knowing that now was not the time to speak and Merlin lost in his thoughts of the old man, the old friend who had died for him.

Every step Merlin took was for Gaius, every thought in his head was of Gaius and of asking for forgiveness. He was saving himself, not for himself, but for Gaius. He knew that if he let himself be caught now, Gaius would have died for nothing.

-

Luckily, it was summer so the sun didn't set until late, giving them enough time to get clear of the city, they walked on and on, never speaking, never looking at anything else other than the ground beneath their pounding feet.

Arthur was thinking; he had known Gaius from the age of three; twenty years later he was still being treated by him - he had still been treated by him. He didn't know Gaius as well as Merlin did, but he knew enough to know that he was a good man, not evil or disloyal.

As the sun collided with the hill in the distance it bled all different colours; there was grayish purple, vibrant pink, blinding orange and blood red. The colours seeped through the clouds like ink in water and the two men could do nothing but stop and watch it happen. They headed into the nearby wood to seek shelter for the night.

They walked even further, skirting round trees and bushes until they found a small clearing. There were the remains of a fire from some other travelers, the embers still glowing. The two men were still in silence as they began collecting dry leaves and twigs for the fire.

-

Once the fire was properly lit, crackling and dancing in the darkness, the two men sat down and stared into its depths. 'I'm sorry,' Arthur was the first to beak the silence of several hours, long after darkness had fallen. 'I'm sorry, Merlin, this is all my fault,'

'No, its not,' Merlin disagreed. 'If I hadn't been such an idiot as to tell you all of that in the _castle_ of all places, we wouldn't be here, we would be safe and warm in the castle, Gaius would still be alive…'

'Yes, but if I could control myself, you wouldn't have come to my chambers at all last night, you wouldn't have felt the need to tell me,'

'I wouldn't have missed you telling me that you loved me for anything.' Merlin pulled his eyes from the fire and fixed them on Arthur who returned the look ardently. 'I wouldn't have it any other way,'.

'You've said that a lot lately,' Arthur commented. He was right.

'Has it really only been a week?' Merlin whispered, 'Since we first…' He didn't need to finish the sentence, Arthur knew exactly what he was talking about.

'Only a week,' he nodded. They both turned back and stared into the flames.

_It had started a week ago. That morning, as they had passed in the corridor, Arthur's finger had reached out and caressed Merlin's hand. Merlin had been startled and surprised but he had __also been excited and entranced. That line on his hand where Arthur had touched him had burned for the rest of the day and every day since._

_Later, at dinner, when Merlin had been called over to re-fill Arthur's goblet, he had felt a slight, warm pressure on the side of his leg, looking down surreptitiously, Merlin saw Arthur's hand on his leg, Merlin hadn't stepped away for several minutes._

_In the evening, Merlin had been summoned to Arthur's room; he slipped in the door after a quiet knock and found Arthur staring out of the window. Arthur was changed, he was no longer arrogant and self-centered; as soon as he got away from crowds of people he was quiet, thoughtful, caring. Merlin stepped across the room towards him and Arthur didn't move. Merlin stood behind his chair, staring out of the same window until Arthur spoke and broke the spell of silence._

'_I can't hide it any more…I suppose that's what I have been trying to say all day. I can't keep all my emotions pent up like cattle or sheep, especially my feelings for you,'_

_Merlin's heart gave a little skip; could Arthur really mean what Merlin thought he meant? Could one of Merlin's dreams really be coming true?_

'_Merlin,' Arthur rose from his chair and turned to face him. 'Merlin, I love you, with all my heart. I can't put it any other way and I know tha-'_

_Merlin was shaking his head and cut across his prince. 'I wouldn't have it any other way,' There was silence. Merlin sighed. 'I love you Arthur, I have loved you for weeks, perhaps longer, but I only realized it recently. I love you terribly, more than that; I care about you, I care about how you feel, what you do and why you make the choices you do, I care about you more than anyone else. I love you, and I'm proud of you for every good, kind thing that you do, I'm prouder than I can say,'_

_The two men stood there, awkwardly. What to do now?_

_They both reached forward and hugged each other, Arthur being taller, he felt the soft curls of Merlin's hair against his cheek, and he pressed his lips to it in the small gesture of truest, deepest love. Merlin tilted his head upward with his eyes closed, searching for Arthur's lips. With a little help from Arthur, Merlin found his target and pressed his lips to it. _

_In that moment when they stood entwined in the arms of the other, they both knew that this was right, this was good, but this was bad, this was wrong and punishable by law. In that moment they both realized that they didn't care._

_The next day they had met in the court yard and Arthur had directed Merlin into a small room leading up to a tower, Merlin had begun to climb the steps, his insides writhing like snakes at though of what was to come, but Arthur was impatient and could not wait for the top of the stairs to claim his prize. He pulled Merlin down from the steps and wrapped his arms around him, locking his mouth onto his lover's and feeling magic of a different kind shoot through his body. _

_The kiss was gentle, just their lips touching really, but when Arthur had realized that Merlin hadn't pulled back or run away, the kiss changed. Arthur kissed Merlin more and more, it was deep, raw and new. The kiss was hot and strong. Merlin changed too, he wanted not just the kiss but the moment to last forever, to go on and on. He wanted to stay in Arthur's arms forever, he wanted to feel another's chest so close to his own. _

_Suddenly, there were footsteps outside and the two men drew apart instantly. They didn't see each other for the r__est of the day although they both drifted constantly in and out of each other's thoughts._

_The next day they were kept apart all day. Arthur was to accompany Morgana on a hunting trip and Merlin was not permitted to come with them. Merlin spent his day in his room, lying back on his bed, thinking of the young prince and how much he meant. Thinking of what the actions of the past few days would sound like if Uther ever found out._

_A knock at the door made him sit up; Gaius walked in and asked Merlin to deliver the medicines for the afternoon; 'you can't stay in here all day, you're beginning to look ill. Go and get some colour back in your cheeks' Merlin didn't deliver the medicines, he wandered around the castle for the rest of the afternoon in a little world of his own._

_Once he could wander no more he went back to his room and stared out of the window, waiting and willing for his prince to come home. Eventually, his wish came true and Merlin darted down to the yard under the pretext of taking Arthur's horse. As they passed Arthur whispered 'Miss me?'_

'_oh yeah!' Merlin replied fervently. He took Arthur's horse into the stable and began to un-tack it. Arthur came in with Morgana's horse which was already un-tacked and turned it into the next box. 'So, did you see anything worth catching?' asked Merlin, innocently._

_Arthur came right up to the bars between the two stables and Merlin did the same. Arthur stared Merlin straight into the crystalline depths of his eyes__and leant forward, their noses less than an inch apart. 'Oh yes. I saw something worth catching; I saw it watching me out of a window this morning as I rode off, I saw it dart down the stairs and take my horse and I can see it right now. The most beautiful thing on God's earth. ' He kissed Merlin through the bars with so much power and passion that it left them both breathless. The kiss was swift because they were out in the open and between gasps of air he breathed the words 'come up to my room after dark, I can't take a day without you anymore'. And he left._

_When the sky had darkened and the castle was sleeping, Merlin crept into Arthur's chambers and met his lover. They shared a special ten minutes just being with each other, not really doing anything. They both needed to feel the warmth of the other. _

_The next two days went in the same sort of arrangement. On the fifth day since the confessions Arthur told all of his secrets to Merlin. They sat together, leaning against the wall of Arthur's chamber in the darkness. Arthur's arms were locked round Merlin's torso and Merlin's were around Arthur's in__ a protective stance. With one hand Merlin stroked Arthur's golden hair and listened while they both stared straight ahead into the darkness. 'I can't explain it, it's like, every time I see you I need to be next to you, to touch your skin, to see your eyes, to hear your heart,' he rested his head against Merlin's heart which doubled in tempo at Arthur's touch. _

'_I know exactly what you mean,' Merlin murmured, running his fingers through Arthur's hair again. 'I…um...'Merlin began tentatively. 'I have a confession to make too, but it's a little more serious,'_

'_It's your turn tomorrow, I haven't got to the worst part yet,' Arthur whispered._

'_Go on then, I'll have to go soon,' said Merlin quietly, kissing the top of Arthur's head. _

'_When I sleep, I dream of you with other people; Gwen, Morgana, Carra,'_

'_I was never meant for anyone but you,' Merlin interrupted._

'_I know that now, when I'm safe in your arms and I can feel you next to me. But in my dreams I get so…so angry, I lash out, I attack whoever it is you're with and when I am awake I know that I could never do that, I don't care if you're with me or with someone else,' Merlin frowned at this. Arthur sat up properly so he could look straight at Merlin. 'As long as you're happy with whoever you choose, as happy as you can be, I won't stand in your way, I promise, I love you too much to hurt you like that . Anyway, back to the dream. When I stand over the blood drenched body I look down, and…and it's you. I can't bare it. It's so dreadful.'_

'_Sshh,' Merlin whispered. At that moment, the __clock in the tower shook the world and Merlin got up to leave. He kissed Arthur on the cheek, turned tail and left._

'So, last night, when I told you about everything and how Gaius was hiding me and lying to everyone, someone was listening to us?' Merlin asked.

Arthur nodded.

'I'm so careless,' Merlin started to cry.

It is at this moment, when all of the readers should notice that these two men aren't men at all. They are boys, scared, lost and alone. They only have each other now, they only want each other but one person can never make up all the love and care that every person needs, you need a family. Gaius had been Merlin's family, but Gaius was dead. Arthur's mother had been his family but after she died Uther had not taken her place, so Arthur had shut himself off from all emotions except from in the dead of night when he could let it all out to himself, recently, Merlin and Gaius had started to fill that hole but now Gaius was dead.

Merlin stood up. 'I'm going back. I'm going to avenge him.'

Arthur stood up too. 'Merlin, you can't, you'll be killed on sight.'

'I don't care, I'm going back, I'm going to find out who was listening at your door and I'm going to kill them.' With that Merlin ran. He ran back through the forest, jumping over tree roots and dodging trees. He could hear Arthur, hot on his tail but he didn't care. He had to keep moving, he had to do this.

'Merlin!' Arthur had caught up with him; he caught hold of Merlin's arm and pulled him round into his chest. Merlin gave up and didn't even try to get away. He stayed there, soaking Arthur's shirt with his sobs.

It took Merlin ages to stop sobbing and even longer to be able to look at Arthur. 'What can I do Arthur? What can I do?'

'You can't do anything.' Arthur whispered to the darkness, come on. They walked to the edge of the forest to see Camelot in the distance, guards were lined up outside the castle, they were moving for the walls of the city.

'They'll be here by dawn,' Merlin said in a monotone.

'I know,' Arthur replied.

Merlin turned to him, took a deep breath and spoke the words he had wanted to say for days; 'Make me feel alive. I want this, I want you,'

Arthur frowned, a little confused.

'Please,' Merlin begged. 'I'm going to die tomorrow, grant a dead man his final wish,'

Arthur shook his head; 'You're not dead yet,' he said, angrily.

'I'm as good as,' Merlin replied. Tears wetted his eyes as he looked at Arthur. 'Arthur I'm scared,'

The blonde boy took the smaller one into his arms and held him there.

'I don't know what to do,' Merlin whispered 'I don't know what to do, tell me what to do,'

Arthur gathered his thoughts and nodded. He loved Merlin. He wanted this too, he knew that, no matter how early they left in the morning, they would be caught and they were both so tired they couldn't keep walking now. Merlin seemed to know and accept that his time was up. Arthur nodded again and set off, back to the clearing. Once in the clearing, Arthur warmed his hands by the fire, Merlin crept up behind him and kissed his neck, his arms round his lover. Arthur pressed his back into Merlin's chest before turning to face him. Merlin, who was about half a head shorter than Arthur, kissed the hollow of his throat before moving his lips up to Arthur's jaw, then his lips.

They both pulled off the shirt of the other and embraced; Merlin's skin burnt white hot at Arthur's touch. They held onto each other with all of their strength, never wanting to let go. They hit the leafy ground together and stayed there, twisting and clinging to each other. Merlin's hands ran all over Arthur's glorious body, wondering at every touch. Arthur traced every inch of Merlin's face with his fingers and then his lips. Breaths came short and heavy, eyes closed and the two of them were in oblivion, flying, electricity scorching through their bodies. This was the absolution. This was the pain and this was the joy, this was the hurt and this was the regret; not from what they had done, from what they had not done. The regret of all things they could never do. This was the real magic, Merlin thought. One thing they didn't know, was that this was their goodbye, this one moment deep in a forest with the knowledge of death the next day, this moment of last desperate wanting would mean the end of everything.

Finally, they fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, Merlin resting his head on Arthur's chest. They both awoke sharply when they heard heavy footfalls. Merlin sat up and dressed quickly, while Arthur remained in a slumber. Merlin turned to say goodbye to Arthur but thought that this would be less painful for the both of them if he just left.

'Where are you going?' Arthur asked from the ground.

'I'm going to meet them,' Merlin could only manage a whisper and even then his throat constricted every word. 'It's time.' Arthur stood and dressed at top speed while Merlin stayed to get the last glimpses of the man he loved with all his heart.

'Don't go,' Arthur pleaded, though he knew it was no use.

Merlin only had the strength left for a few words; he knew that, so he made the best of them. 'I love you,'

Merlin walked through the trees, out of Arthur's sight, down to meet the guards who would surely take him to his death. As soon as Merlin had disappeared Arthur ran, he ran and ran like he had never run before. It took hours but, thankfully, he got to Camelot before Merlin and the guards. He pounded through the castle, shouting, yelling, screaming for his father.

Finally, he found him and Arthur was so grateful. 'Father, I beg of you, call off this hunt, let the boy be!'

'Out of the question,' Uther's words rang with authority. 'Merlin will be killed as soon as he enters the city, and good riddance to him.

Arthur couldn't stomach the thought but he had to ask, 'How…how is he going to be killed'

'Burning,' said his father dismissively.

'Please Father, if you won't stop this hunt then change the sentence,' Uther looked furious with his son.

'He is a warlock and yet you defend him, why should I be merciful?'

'Father, I beseech you, please, _please_ don't burn him; anything but burning!'

Uther nodded; 'Alright, I'll give you the choice; he can be burned, ir you can kill him, he'll be tied to the fence, you will run him through.'

Arthur couldn't breathe.

'Of course, if you do not arrive in time, we will burn him anyway.'

Arthur stood and left the castle. He spent the rest of the day until Merlin arrived staring blankly at a wall. He kept checking out of the window as, slowly, the tower for burning was assembled and a crowd gathered.

When Merlin arrived Arthur ran like the wind down to the court yard. He stood at the back of the crowd as Merlin was dragged up the steps.

What was Arthur going to do? He couldn't _kill _ Merlin but burning was brutal, a form of torture.

When Arthur couldn't bring himself to step forward, Merlin was dragged to the burning tower.

-

Merlin was staring desperately everywhere for Arthur. He had to see him, one last time. Yes…There he was, at the back of the crowd. Tears filled both their eyes as Merlin was dragged over the dead twigs and leaves; he shouted with all the passion and love he had ever had.

'Arthur! Arthur I love you!'

He saw Arthur dart forward in the split second before his hands were bound roughly together; he kept shouting. 'Arthur I love you! I always have and I always will,'

Merlin could have sworn Arthur shouted back; something like: 'I'm sorry'

Merlin blinked tears from his eyes and shook his head as he felt the rope around his feet and hands.

-

Arthur could still hear Merlin, as though he was far away. His words ripped through the crowd, right to Arthur, cutting right into his heart.

'I wouldn't have it any other way,'

Each word slices through an artery leading to Arthur's heart. Blood pours into every cell of his body as Merlin shouts his name. This is torture! Let him go!

-

Merlin is aware that the flames have been lit. He can see them frolicking around his feet, creeping up his limbs but, surprisingly, the flames made every part of him feel like ice. Arthur was the only thing in his world and Arthur was in pain! Merlin couldn't have that, he didn't care about the flames now scorching his arms and shoulder and creeping towards his hair and skull. Arthur was in pain.

'Arthur! I feel alive!' he screamed into the crowd. 'Arthur! I love you with all of my heart; I don't want it anymore, it's yours,'

-

That night, when everyone in Camelot was sleeping; Arthur crept up to the tallest tower and leaned over the edge. He closed his eyes. 'I love you Merlin. I love you Merlin. I feel alive and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm coming for you my darling.'

He hurled himself off the edge of the tower.

Arthur flew.

Arthur hit the ground.

There was a calm, peaceful expression on his face, it would stay there forever more.

His soul left his body and drifted away, in the clearing in the woods; it met Merlin and, hand in hand, they departed this life, together, forever, finally.


End file.
